Do you remember any of these phrases from your childhood?
“Quit being a baby!”
“Take it like a man!”
“Don’t upset me with your problems!”
“Don’t you know I’m too busy with your father/sister/brother to deal with you right now?”
It may have been inadvertent, but you got the message somewhere along the line that it’s not okay to talk about unpleasant things. You may have grown up in a family where you felt like there wasn’t room for you—for your emotions, your needs, your grief and sadness. You learned that it’s not okay to talk about difficult issues, and so, you found self-soothing and relief in sex or porn or at the bottom of a bottle. These things weren’t the same as a deep, loving connection with a human being, but they made you feel good enough to get by. You couldn’t connect emotionally, so you found a substitute.
You did the best you knew how as a child, but now you recognize that the old pattern or addiction is ruining your life. So, where do you begin at this point to function in a different way? How do you start connecting? How do you find the courage to talk about painful stuff? If you’re dealing with an addiction, individual therapy and group therapy can be great ways to learn how to manage your emotions, reduce shame, and build healthy relationships. Particularly when it comes to sex and porn addiction, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) is a must. A specially trained therapist and an addiction group can jump start your healing and growth.
Reach out. Make an appointment with me now. Find a new way to connect. Learn that it’s okay to talk about it—in fact, it’s necessary to talk. Know that there is room for you.
