I’ll just do this for a few minutes
That’s how the cycle begins. Whether it’s surfing for porn or scrolling through a dating app, the addict says, “I’ll quit after 15 minutes.” Hours later, the addict is still on a binge – looking for just the right porn images to get the sexual high or looking for someone to have sex with.
Addicts often promise themselves to cut back or not to do it again — even destroying their stash of downloaded porn or quitting their favorite dating sites — only to find themselves engaging once again in the addiction. Their inability to curtail their activity may get them fired from a job, ruin a marriage, consume their rent money on prostitutes, or cause them to go against their own beliefs, ethics, or even the law.
It should be said that most people can enjoy sexual activity without getting addicted. But as a therapist, I’ve seen many heartbreaking cases of people who absolutely cannot stop acting out despite the consequences.
While some addicts desperately want to get control over their actions, others are in great denial concerning their addiction and do not see the problems it’s causing. In such cases, they cannot reach sobriety until they become willing to face their denial.
Partners and Families
The addict’s loved ones can be greatly affected, too. Many partners/spouses experience a shock to their system when they find out that everything they thought was true is not true at all. They may experience symptoms related to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which some soldiers in combat experience.
Partners can be tempted to blame themselves, and unfortunately some therapists blame the victim or label them as a “co-addict.”
Not only did you not cause the problem, you can’t change or cure the addict. As a partner, you can’t force the addict to work on his or her sobriety, but you can focus on your own self-care and boundaries. While it’s certainly not fair that you’re going through this, out of the pain and heartache can come your own victory.
Reach out for help now
If you or someone you love has a problem, I am ready to be the therapist who guides you forward with competence and compassion.
Reach out through the contact form or call (919) 533-7907.
